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10 Poems For My Brother

by Seamus Kirkpatrick

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about

This album is now part of King Colossus' discography.
Excuse the fuckabout

10 Poems For My Brother is a song cycle about a kid growing up in rural Australia whose big brother commits suicide and how he reconciles with his family, himself and country.

credits

released December 11, 2015

All words and music by Seamus Kirkpatrick.
Recorded by Seamus Kirkpatrick.
Produced by Seamus Kirkpatrick with Ben Stewart.
Thanks to Ben Stewart, Alan Richardson, Rob Maric, Imraan Paleker, Lauren Crick, Emma Wilson, Maggie Steele, Louise Crick and Selina Tannenberg.

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about

Seamus Kirkpatrick Brisbane, Australia

Seamus Kirkpatrick is a Brisbane based musician, writer and photographer.

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Track Name: I Wanna Leave This Town
it's still hard to swallow
the last words that you said
i hope you feel ashamed

dull and washed out colours
shimmer through my head
it still feels like a dream

and i stood in the yard
and i cried
and i asked you to stay
and you cried and looked tired
and you walked away
and you never looked back
but i swore that you smiled
brother i tried

i wanna leave this town
i wanna leave this town

and out near the church
where the stone flowers grow
where we buried you
under the ghost gum
and dad wouldn't come
and everyone watched me
but i couldn't cry
brother i tried

i wanna leave this town
i wanna leave this town

now when the wind blows
dusty dry and dead
i miss you in my bones

i still see the twisted metal
like a giant carcass spread
i feel so alone

and i stood in the yard
and i cried
and you wouldn't stay
and you cried and looked tired
and you turned away
and you never looked back
but i swore that you smiled
brother i tried

i wanna leave this town
i wanna leave this town
i wanna leave this town
Track Name: You Can't Forever
look at this rambling slurring mess
look at these drunken blood shot eyes
i know him i confess
but i can't remember where his heart lies

lifting the bottle to his chin
breathing out and drinking in
the world is huge and he's afraid
of all the hurt that he has made

and i want know
where promises are buried when they go
and everybody tries
but you can't forever hang your head or forever hide your eyes

and it hurts less when i'm stoned
and nothing matters when i'm pissed
all the lies that i was told
and all the shitheads that i miss

there'll be another one to drink
til i can't see and i can't think
til i can't see you standing there
in the garden by the stairs

and i want know
where promises are buried when they go
and everybody tries
but you can't forever hang your head or forever hide your eyes
Track Name: I Still Dream Of You
when the morning comes
it is impossible to know
where the blurred hurt starts
and how it arrived

as it rushes in
and my heart threatens it will blow
i feel alone
confused and alive

and i still
i still dream
i still dream of you

and i dream
i still dream
of impossible things

we're tearing around
the house and grass is in the air
but you won't come out
you won't come outside to play

and every corner i turn
i know you should be waiting there
but i can never see you
you always turn away

and i still
i still dream
i still dream of you

and i dream
i still dream
of impossible things

but don't you think
i like it when i see you there
you've made me scared
scared to close my eyes

how many times
can my dreams dance me to nowhere
how many times
do i have to watch you die?

and i still dream of you
and i still dream of impossible things

and i still
i still dream
i still dream of you
Track Name: Today Dad Started Talking
today dad started talking
we were sitting at breakfast
and he said your name
today dad started talking

dad started talking
he asked me what i knew
i said you never told me anything
said that you never liked talking

saturday
it was a saturday
it was a saturday
and we talked

he said he never understood you
and why you were so angry
and why you liked to do
the things you did

and he hoped i didn't blame him
now that you were gone
and no one could explain
the thing you did

it was a saturday
it was a saturday
was a saturday
and we talked

and i sat and i was quiet
and my breakfast turned to mush
and i didn't know where to look
or what to do

and then it got too hard
and there was nothing else to say
so i said
yeah dad, i love you too.

was a saturday
was a saturday
was a saturday
and we talked

was a saturday
was a saturday
was a saturday
and we talked about you
Track Name: It's So Quiet
it's so quiet
it's so still
everything's suspended
i can hear my breath

i'm not tired
i've no guilt
i know nothing really ended
when you laughed to death

when i raise up my hands i swear
i can feel the space
i can feel the space
like a ball

and i hear to the curve of the
horizon
i can hear it
hear it all

and you fell
in the face
of impossible demands

like a fire
in a fog
half a boy and half a man

it's so quiet
it's so still
everything's suspended
i can hear my breath

and you fell
in the face
of impossible demands

with your heart
in the world
and your feet snared in the land

i'm not tired
i've no guilt
i know nothing really ended
when you laughed to death

when i raise up my hands i swear
i can see your face
colours and the shapes
see it all

and i feel
time roar at the horizons
hold it in my arms
like a ball

it's so quiet
it's so still
everyone is leaving
they're all bored to death
Track Name: I Can Change
used to stay home and
search for clues
now there's whole days i don't
think of you

so much i could feel
but now i choose
there's whole days i don't
think of you

we can change
we can change
we can change
we can change
i know that i will

i can step up or
down in shame
too tired of me to
play those games

i can change
i can change
i can change
i can change
watch me i will

everybody's talkin' bout a new way or somethin'
but my head won't stop thumpin' and i can't let go of your hand
everybody's got great expectations and inspiring quotations
but i don't think that they understand

i'm coiled up tight set
aside the pills
i can win the battle win the
i'll win this war of wills

animal meat muscle
flesh and bone
i will reclaim my body
reclaim my home

everybody's talkin' bout a new way or somethin'
but my head won't stop thumpin' and i can't let go of your hand
everybody's got great expectations and inspiring quotations
but i don't think that they understand

i will change
i will change
i will change
i will change
you know that i will

i used to sit home
win the battle i will

i can change
i can change
i can change
i can change
you know that i will
Track Name: I Don't Miss You
when i woke up i nearly cried
cause that last part of you was gone
i couldn’t hear your voice inside
my head i couldn’t hear your songs

from outside sun came hurling in
instead of claustrophobic night
first time in months that i felt hinged
first time i didn’t wake in fright

i don’t miss you
so bad that i can’t sleep
i don’t miss you
so bad that i don’t eat
i don’t miss you
that much anymore

shed wasn’t where you used to hang
garden not where i heard your last words
wandered up to the paddock and the tank
couldn’t think for the crickets and the birds

i don’t miss you
so bad that i can’t sleep
i don’t miss you
so bad that i don’t eat
i don’t miss you
that much anymore

choices are really hard
but i think mine are made 
pitch a tent in the yard
make you proud i stayed

i don’t miss you
so bad that i can’t sleep
i don’t miss you
so bad that i don’t eat
i don't miss you
i'll always love you
but you just hurt too much
i don’t miss you
that much anymore
Track Name: Aeroplanes Land Far Away (I'll Stay)
i don’t have faith in friends or blood
not disaffected don’t need miracle drugs
everything is meat in the hard blue light
from family to those you don’t know
but i am so in love today
and it’s not the type of love that fades
everytime i breathe you there is a kick in my heart
and deep inside my soul i ache

aeroplanes 
land far away
that’s not how i’m made
i will stay 

aeroplanes 
land far away
that’s not how i’m made
i will stay

deep under my feet in the red hot earth
there are creatures that are older than time
and the moments that they stir there are shudders underfoot
and the grey stone breathes and grinds
and if you listen hard you can hear the weeping
of a desert that’s been left to die
i can’t walk away from this brutalised country
and i can’t explain so don’t ask why

aeroplanes 
land far away
that’s not how i’m made
i will stay 

aeroplanes 
land far away
that’s not how i’m made
i will stay

if you can’t feel it
you can’t know it
carve yourself down your centre line
present the raw meat to the sky
to the horizon
to the dirt
let the land rush in
let it fill you
pack you like grass and feather
fill you with fecund life
don’t panic or fight
as you swell
flesh ruptures
borders overrun
be consumed
the country is in pain
run mongrel and run wild
as you ache for it
it grieves for you
it wants to go home
and you need to know home
home is country
country is home
lie down
two halves twitching
raw and wide
let the small creatures dine
on this 
this you
let you body dissolve into 
great puddles
the keepers will feast
the trees will drink
and you will be home
you will be home
be home
home
be home
home

aeroplanes 
land far away
that’s not how i’m made
i will stay 

aeroplanes 
land far away
that’s not how i’m made
i will stay